Saturday, July 17, 2004

Vomit story #1

Ages ago when I was in Middle School, our baseball team was playing a road doubleheader.  We finished up around dinnertime, and got something to eat from a local greaseburger joint called "The Hand Out".  The folks preparing the food were dripping with sweat.  They wore soiled white undershirts which exposed armpits that  exploded with hair.  Hamburger buns were heated on a filthy-looking grill, then slathered with some oily liquid via basting brushes.  This was not an appetizing scene, and many of us found ourselves disgusted as we watched.  Our stomachs were full of afternoon junk food, such as red vines, candy bars and chocolates, but we ate our dinner anyway.
The trip home took us over a mountain pass.  It was March, and there was still a fair amount of snow on the summit.  Our aged school bus had a problem with the heater, so the heat was of the all-or-nothing variety.  To keep ourselves from suffocating, the side windows were all lowered six inches.  Being prone to motion sickness, I sat in one of the front seats near the window.
My friend Bill was getting concerned about my pale, sweaty appearance.
"Snave, are you o.k.?" he asked.
Before I could answer my head was out the window.  The wind was icy through my hair, and as I puked my guts out the pain forced a tear or two.  However, the misery turned to laughter as I pulled my head back in and heard anguished cries from all those on my side of the bus!
"God!!  Who Puked?!"
"Awww, man!!"
I turned to face Dave, seated directly behind me.  His wiry hair and his eyebrows were coated with a fine misting of light-colored, foul-smelling vomit.  He shouted in disgust as he wiped the stuff from his face.  Not only had I soiled Dave...  I had soiled about 20 other people as well!  Not a bad accomplishment, if I say so myself!
Several weeks later I went to my friend Marty's house after school, and we rode in the Bus of Infamy.  Believe it or not, the windows still had not been cleaned!  For the benefit of all the other bus riders that day, I pointed out different food fragments that were still glued to the window...  bits of hamburger, lettuce, licorice rope, you name it. 
Afterward, for some time to come, I was known to many around the school as "Mr. Gross-Out".  


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