Sunday, March 20, 2005


This is Timmy. Timmy is as blind as a bat...


His IQ has dropped from 131 to 58 in just six short months. Timmy has to shave his right palm at least three times a day to prevent beard-like growth from engulfing his hand.

Why? Because Timmy is a chronic Onanist! Groping for that easy pleasure, that quick fix, that momentary "high", Timmy has reduced himself to a babbling vegetable, pumping out the precious fluid of his immortal soul by the bucketful.

Timmy was not always like this. Till recently his God-fearing parents had protected him from such Un-Christian subjects as; where babies come from, and why his sister is different from him. But then his school, a publicly financed school, I'd like to add, financed by your taxes! This school began a so-called SEX EDUCATION PROGRAM!! Daily, Timmy was encouraged to draw the private parts of young girls on the blackboard and to fondle "anatomically correct" models of NAKED men and women! Is it any wonder that before long little Timmy was SPILLING HIS SEED like a lawn-sprinkler?!

There isn't much we can do for Timmy now. We can buy him a guide dog, trim his palm, padlock his pants. But apart from that, nothing. Timmy will die soon and go to hell. And all because some faceless bureaucrat thought he ought to know the difference between a v----a and a p---s!

Folks, let's prevent other young Christians from slipping into the slimy pit of onanism. Let's get sex out of education, and back in the dark, where it belongs. The problem with sex is mounting all the time. But if we take it in hand we can beat it! One day, God willing, we'll even be able to lick it! But we need money folks. Lots of it. So send lots of money to me, Oral McJorrity c/o THE ORAL STATE CENTER FOR SELF ABUSEĀ©.

Thank you.

More fun available at


Blogger Sheryl said...

I know I already mentioned this song in this blog, but it's so fitting here:

"Every sperm is sacred
Every sperm is great
If a sperm gets wasted,
God gets quite irrate.

Every sperm is sacred
Every sperm is good
You should have sperm bank
In your neighborhood...."


1:33 AM  
Blogger Snave said...

Yes! "The Meaning of Life"! Thank you, oh wonderful woman with the ever-changing fish symbol, for reminding me of that film. I must get out my copy and watch it again, because it never fails to remind me that I need to "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life"!

12:10 PM  
Blogger Damien said...

Poor little Timmy,
I guess he'll have to enjoy hours alone in his own dark little batting cage, then again was'nt that the problem in the first case.

Damn it I thought I was the only one who could see that changing fish.

1:58 PM  
Blogger J. Marquis said...

I think I just figured out why some Canadian police are called Mounties. Good show, aye!

7:34 PM  
Blogger The Bird Poop said...

Poor Timmy.

What's white and flashes through the sky?

The cumming of the Lord.

7:09 AM  

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