Friday, April 29, 2005

ON POLITICAL HUMOR, THE SEARCH FOR HIGH-QUALITY STUPID QUOTES, AND THE SEARCH FOR INTELLIGENT LIFE ON EARTH

In an effort to grant equal time to my Republican friends by finding and posting a few quotes that would make Democrats look silly and uninformed, I looked up "dumb Democrat quotes", "stupid Democrat quotes" and "Al Gore quotes" on Google. There were some doozies on the Al Gore sites, but then I got reading them and found myself thinking "Hey! Wait a minute! I read that one somewhere else!" Sure enough, there are a number of folks out there who have been recycling some of the great old Dan Quayle quotes and saying Al Gore was the one who said them. Tsk, tsk. Shameful. Certainly they aren't having trouble finding silly things Democrat pols have actually said. (Thanks to the site http://www.gargaro.com/notgore.html, where I found some helpful information on the Quayle/Gore confusions.)

I did some further searching, and about the only "stupid Democrat quotes" I could find had to do with Kerry saying one thing and then another, or Democrat pols saying they supported going to war in Iraq and then backing off later. While some might say these are great, and that they might expose Democrats as "liars", those say nothing to me other than that Democrat pols are engaging in natural political behaviors. While quotes such as those can be illustrative, I find them to be a dime a dozen, from whatever political party they originate. I didn't want those kinds of quotes... In this instance I was looking for quotes that were funny, or that were more indicative of problems with grammar, or that included nice semantic slip-ups.

I was determined in my search, so I kept looking. I did find some good "stupid Democrat" quotes at http://forums.narutofan.com/archive/index.php/t-8064.html. Here are a few I think are good for a belly laugh, regardless of one's political party affiliation:

"I am a great mayor. I am an upstanding Christian man. I am an intelligent man. I am a deeply educated man. I am a humble man."-(D)Marion Barry

"Outside of the killings, Washington [D.C.] actually has a very low crime rate."-(D)Marion Barry"

What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary?"-(D)Marion Barry

"I'm one of those mayors whose management style is to allow free and unlimited debate, to a point."-(D)Marion Barry

"I promise you a police car on every sidewalk."-(D)Marion Barry

"The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is racist."-(D)Marion Barry

"Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, 'Thank God, I'm still alive.' But, of course, those who died - their lives will never be the same again."-(D)Barbara Boxer

"We have been boyhood friends all our lives."-(D)Richard J. Daley

"The police are not here to create disorder. They're here to preserve disorder."-(D)Richard J. Daley

"I resent your insinuendos."-(D)Richard J. Daley

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."-(D)David Dinkins

"And now, will y'all stand up and be recognized."-(D)Gib Lewis, to a group of handicapped people in wheelchairs

Would Republicans laugh as hard at stupid quotes from Dan Quayle and from Dubya as they might laugh at the stupid Democrat quotes listed above? Does the Republican party have a sense of humor? I'm a Democrat, and sometimes I know I don't have much of a sense of humor when I am ticked off, but hey, there are things to laugh about in just about any situation... for instance, I'm glad there was nobody around with a video camera yesterday when I hit (and bruised) my head hard, twice, during the simple act of getting into my car! It hurt like hell, but... after a few seconds of cussing, I was laughing pretty hard despite the pain. (And no, hitting my head on the car door and door frame is not what spurred my brain into writing this article. And yes, while I might have been dropped on my head as an infant, my mother would never admit doing it... so there is no evidence of me being dropped, and my Republican friends should stop being so sure about that scenario!

The next three quotes were included at http://forums.narutofan.com/archive/index.php/t-8064.html, but I have to wonder what the compiler was thinking by putting them there. I find them to merely be jokes, and not necessarily statements which reveal dishonesty or limited intelligence. Rather, they demonstrate that humor is to be found within the Democratic ranks:

"A black man voting for the Republicans makes as much sense as a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders."-(D)J.C. Watts, Sr.

"If ignorance ever goes to forty dollars a barrel, I want drilling rights on George Bush's head."-(D)Jim Hightower

"Gerald Ford is a nice guy, but he played too much football with his helmet off."-(D)Lyndon Johnson

A lot of the other quotes (including the Clinton quotes) at that site are similar to the above three in that they are jokes, rather than the kind of mistakes one would expect from a child, or from somebody with a limited vocabulary or who simply doesn't have a way with words. Does this indicate jealousy on the part of the compiler?

Nonetheless, we Democrats are not immune. Our leaders may say some pretty stupid things, but are their quotes as fun as those of Bush and Quayle? I think not! Then of course, I am biased, right? I will admit I find that the funny/stupid GOP quotes seem to be concentrated among a few, severely challenged folks. Us, on the left? We tend to spread the quotes around a little more... many of our leaders chip in. But when it comes to spreading things around, I tend to maintain that the yard on the right-hand side of the political fence is where those searching for dog poop would find the most product. (I will refrain from inserting a rude picture of feces here.)


I like quotes that are critical of the GOP or which make Republican leaders look like weasels, and I will continue to post those from time to time... but I always prefer the GOP quotes that make me laugh out loud to the ones that make me angry. The funny ones can often be more illustrative than the ones which generate anger. And it seems like there are SO MANY funny GOP quotes out there! I should be able to keep posting those for a long time without running out of source material.

Why is it that stupid quotes from Republicans were easier to find than ones made by Democrats? Was I just looking in the wrong places? No, I don't think so. Did I just not search long enough? No, I spent a good 30 minutes at the task. There just seemed to be more "stupid GOP" sites available than "stupid Democrat" sites. This must be evidence of the nefarious "liberal media" at work, as always! (God bless 'em! Heh, heh

Anyway, I hope my Republican friends were as entertained as I was by the "stupid Democrat" quotes. Had I worked harder at it, I might have found more... but it was just too difficult and time-consuming. And after all, I'm just another "stupid Democrat", right? 8-)>

If one of our leaders continues to say stupid thing after stupid thing and it doesn't make us consider our blind support of him at least a little bit, who does it make look stupid? I think we all need to look at stupid things our leaders say... and then we need take a look at that leader and those around him or her, take a look at our friends, our town, county, state, country, and the world in general.

Then we need to go look in the mirror. We might actually find ourselves saying out loud:

"Here's looking at you, stupid!"

But that's just my curmudgeonly opinion; I might be wrong!

4 Comments:

Blogger kathy said...

I enjoyed reading this post!...my favorite quote was this one ..."A black man voting for the Republicans makes as much sense as a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders."-(D)J.C. Watts, Sr. I always thought that too!

12:47 PM  
Blogger Sheryl said...

I have a hard time laughing at the stupidity of leaders who are still in power. It's easy to laugh at Richard Nixon and Ronald Reagan, but these other wankers are a bit too current. :(

4:29 PM  
Blogger Phil said...

Politicans, past and present, left and right, have always had a slip of the tongue or a momentary lapse of reason. It is fun to watch the high and mighty get knocked down a peg.

8:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sheryl, what about "that depends on what the meaning of is is." Or "I voted for it before I voted against it."

9:02 AM  

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