CAMPAIGN CONTRIBUTIONS WELCOME

I am starting my presidential campaign as of now.

As president of the United States of America, I will advocate some fun stuff.

I want to see fifty miles per gallon for all our gas-powered vehicles by 2012. Those vehicles will be gradually phased out and replaced by electric ones or hydrogen-powered ones by 2020. I won’t get any campaign contributions from the oil companies or auto manufacturers, but so what. In 15 years from now, we will have reduced our automobile related pollutants by about 80% and we won’t be needing to drill for oil in America, or be beholden to Middle Eastern nations. A fun project might be to dig tunnels beneath the Saudi oil fields, drain all the oil out, load it into large containers, and send the containers into deep space.

I’m for the repeal of tax cuts which favor the wealthiest among us. We don’t need to widen the gap between rich and poor any more than we are already doing. American corporations will not be allowed to headquarter offshore, either. They will have to pay their taxes. If they refuse, I’ll send our Military to the Cayman Islands and the Bermudas, take those places over, and seize the offenders’ assets, claiming them as property of the USA. Of course this means I would get no financial support from most major corporations, but what the heck. Their attitude sucks. Someone needs to teach them a lesson, and I guess that’s gonna have to be the Snavester.

Would I raise taxes? Yes, maybe by a percent or two under our current system. What would other taxation systems do? What would happen if we had a flat tax of maybe 15%, or a national sales tax of 1% or 2%? I think other ways of gathering tax money might be worth exploring.

I’d turn most of the space program over to the private sector. I think we need to keep our national spirit of exploration alive, but I don’t want the government footing the bill unless we end the shuttle program and get into some actual exploration, and I think the creativity NASA has lost can be found in the minds of private entrepreneurs. NASA would continue, but it would be more like a group that would set guidelines under with the private companies would create. I think NASA has gotten too big and bloated anyway. America deserves better than what NASA has given us for the last 20 years. There are also vast, largely-unexplored areas right here on Earth… the seas! Who knows what me might find down there? Mermaids? Heh…

The Department of Fatherland Security would be renamed the Department of Homeland Security, and it would be geared toward keeping the bad guys out of America and keeping them from bringing in nukes, dirty bombs, and biological weapons. Airport, seaport and border security would increase, and our military would be used to help out with this effort. The military would maintain a presence here and there around the world, but a majority of troops would be stationed right here in America, many of them at ports of entry.

Our country would never invade another country without provocation. Our country would reach out to disaffected people here at home and around the world. We would be working to understand the Islamic faith, and working to help Muslims change their worldview as our new, peaceful government gets underway. Our attitude would basically be live and let live. Our country would be stronger due to better use of the military and increased security at home. We would help out around the world, but we wouldn’t have to worry about other countries as much, with the exception of increasing our humanitarian efforts. We would rid ourselves of our enemies by making them into friends, not by intimidating them into submission or invading them. I think terrorism isn't the disease, but that it is a symptom of a disease, and that we need to be trying to find cures for the disease. Sure, that's naive and idealistic, but hey... our country needs some idealistic people. Maybe not more naive people, but... oh well.

The separation of church and state would be absolute. If a religious leader decided to take political sides, his organization and church would be required to pay taxes. Taxpayer money would not be usable for subsidizing religious schools. It would not be permissible to teach faith as science. The government would neither suppress nor encourage any particular faith. I would abolish the death penalty. I think a worse punishment than a fairly quick death would be to spend the rest of one’s life in prison, being abused. As I see it, the death penalty provides an easy way out for many of the people who get the that sentence.

Marijuana would be legalized and sold alongside booze in liquor stores. The government would grow it, process it, and package it. It would be priced more cheaply than current street prices, and it would be of varying grades of potency. Most of the people in jail for marijuana-related offenses, i.e. doing time for smoking a joint or getting caught in possession, would be immediately released. I think legalizing pot would actually make it harder for kids to get hold of it. It would cut into the power of the drug lords in Mexico, Columbia, etc. who are growing it, by virtually eliminating the American black market. Fewer people would end up growing and selling the stuff. On a related note, I would allow industrial hemp to be used widely in our country. We would have better quality paper, and more good material for clothing. I can’t understand why hemp is not a major cash crop in the United States.

Public education would not receive cuts in funding; I would increase the funding. Schools that have cut out their art, music and PE programs would be able to reinstate those programs. University standards for receiving teaching degrees would become more difficult, and starting teacher pay would increase accordingly. More funding would be available to help pay for school repairs.

The Constitution would be used as a shield, not as a sword.

Industrial polluters would pay heavy fines for releasing more than specified amounts of pollutants, and strict guidelines would be set to make those amounts extremely low. Fines collected would be used for environmental cleanup and preservation. Those individuals responsible for the polluting would be required to ingest various amounts of the polluting substances, and their bodily reactions would be studied by scientists. Alternative energy sources would be developed and utilized. Solar and wind power would be used to generate electricity. Wind turbines would become rather common in windy places around the country. Cars with a receptacle in the drivers' seat could actually be engineered to run on methane.

I would work to keep abortion legal, safe and rare. I don't believe in abortion as a matter of convenience, but men shouldn't decide those things.

The Fairness Doctrine ensured that broadcasters would bring opposing points of view to their listeners. I would reinstate it. AM radio would no longer be a right-wing wasteland, but would need to give some equal time to the left as well, helping listeners to make informed decisions. FOX might have to provide viewers with more than Alan Colmes. Wouldn’t that be cool? The Fairness Doctrine is not a threat to talk radio, because talk radio got going under the doctrine, after all. Balance isn’t required internally within individual shows, but stations are required to provide a reasonable balance in overall programming. An informed public equals an informed electorate, as far as I’m concerned. Under the doctrine, I would also require CBN to give Satan some air time.

All Americans would receive a lifetime membership to BMG Music Service, Columbia House or Book Of The Month Club.

Internet technology would be developed to allow the receivers of spam e-mail to send an impulse through the internet, back to the place at which the spam originated. The impulse would create a small explosion that would render the spammer's computer equipment useless.

There are too many more fun things to mention at the moment... if I think of any more later on, I'll add them.

Those who disagree with me can flame away, I don't care. Once elected, I will be known as The Asbestos President, for my ability to survive incendiary Republican tactics.

Anyone out there want to be my running mate?