SOME OF WOODY ALLEN'S VARIOUS MISERIES
From the wonderful website http://www.quotationspage.com/ , Woody speaks to the misery within us all:
As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
I am at two with nature.
I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone.
Woody Allen
2 Comments:
I haven't cared about a word that man has said ever since he shtupped Sun-Yi. He was a father figure to her, and he ended up marrying her. In my eyes, that is the moral, if not legal, equivalent of incest. Talk about a backwoods love story...
I suppose that might be kind of like refusing to watch Arnold Schwarzenegger movies because he attacked public employees recently in California... (I am ashamed to admit that I still like some of his films and that I will still watch them, no matter how repulsive the individual. But I like "Total Recall", dang it!)
I don't condone what Woody did, I find it to be a crawly sort of thing. A good quote is a good quote to me though, even if it was a jerk that said it. Take STalin's quote about who counts the votes, for example. Stalin was a mass murderer, but his quote contains a degree of wisdom.
If someone says something witty, I try not to use the line of reasoning that says "that can't be any good or be of value because of something else that person did, even if that thing was unrelated to what he said". That is a sort of reasoning which tends toward fallacy... I'm not being an apologist for Woody re. his actions, but I do like many of his quotes.
I don't automatically believe everything Dubya does is wrong because I think Dubya is a kookball... Heck, even the blind squirrel finds the acorn once in a while. I happen to agree with what he did by saying "Happy Holidays" on the White House Christmas cards. Of course it angered a lot of his fundamentalist supporters, but I think the White House was right to do what it did.
Now re. Woody Allen, if you're specifically talking in disparaging terms about any quotes Woody might have said about morals, or marriage... I'd say you have a very good point. I'd add that whlie if he has something to say about morals or marriage it might not be worth paying attention to, but if he says something about death, maybe it is, and should be valued on its own merits rather than on character quirks the individual might have.
Post a Comment
<< Home