Wednesday, May 04, 2005


(UCR/California Museum of Photography)

Mark Twain was a cranky old feller! Check out some of his remarks about religion:

"O Lord our God, help us tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with their little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it..."(Mark Twain / 1835-1910 / The War Prayer)

"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company."

"Sacred cows make the best hamburger."

"Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain of."

"Man is a marvelous curiosity ... he thinks he is the Creator's pet ... he even believes the Creator loves him; has a passion for him; sits up nights to admire him; yes and watch over him and keep him out of trouble. He prays to him and thinks He listens. Isn't it a quaint idea." (Letters from the Earth)

"The church is always trying to get other people to reform; it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little, by way of example."

"Man is the religious animal. He is the only religious animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion –- several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat, if his theology isn't straight. He has made a graveyard of the globe in trying his honest best to smooth his brother's path to happiness and heaven."(Letters from the Earth)

"It ain't the parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand."

"If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be -- a Christian."(Notebook)


Blogger sleepybomb said...

what a dichotomy, delay and twain . . . never the, . . . never mind!
twain speaks like i think.

8:11 PM  
Blogger kathy said...

Funny stuff

9:49 PM  
Blogger kathy said...

Mark Twain has some Great quotes! these are good!

10:06 PM  
Blogger mycroftdavis said...

Readers can know why the (not) Right has so often tried to ban or burn his books. First he had the audacity to show that slaves were people too in Huck Finn, then he demonstrated that religion was foolish. If not for academia, he'd be forgotten, edited out, by now.

4:20 AM  
Blogger Lizzy said...

A very wise man, indeed.

7:41 AM  
Blogger The Bird Poop said...

Mark Twain is awesome. The old boy certainly lived a life of peaks and valleys!

His satire is certainly missed in today's world.

7:50 AM  
Blogger kathy said...

If its okay with you...I'm going to steal some of these Mark Twain quotes (maybe two) and put them on my blog.

12:18 PM  
Blogger Snave said...

Plenty more interesting quotes at

6:16 PM  
Blogger Damien said...


Consider yourself a comic strip character Snaver -


9:43 PM  
Blogger Snave said...

Thanks, Damien, I would be more than honored!!

7:09 AM  
Blogger Brother Kenya said...

Great stuff!Thanks for posting it. Whenever things make you a little blue, it's time to take the A-Twain.

7:44 AM  
Blogger Sheryl said...

I like this line the best:

"He has made a graveyard of the globe in trying his honest best to smooth his brother's path to happiness and heaven."

BTW, my system restore and reinstall has much improved my viewing of your blog. My computer was having real problems with it, except when I used my old version of Mozilla, which I hated. It seemed to upload ok now that I have redone everything. Knock on wood. :)

8:43 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home