Monday, August 21, 2006

BRIEF NEWS + CURMUDGEONLY QUOTES

Once again, I'm not sure how much I will be posting during the coming days. My father, who has been in ill health for quite some time now due to congestive heart failure, is very possibly in his last days. He is at home, receiving hospice care. My wife and I have pretty much set up camp at my parents' house for the foreseeable future. I will keep you all posted.

Anyway, here are a few goodies for you!

SOME OF SNAVE'S CURMUDGEONLY QUOTES COLLECTION (and all are from "The Portable Curmudgeon", compiled and edited by Jon Winokur!)

It is impossible to imagine the universe run by a wise, just and omnipotent God, but it is quite easy to imagine it run by a board of gods. If such a board actually exists it operates precisely like the board of a corporation that is losing money. - H.L. Mencken

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against. - W.C. Fields

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.
- George Bernard Shaw

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day. - Robert Frost

Maybe this world is another planet's hell. - Aldous Huxley

The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple. - Oscar Wilde

Most people would die sooner than think; in fact, they do so. - Bertrand Russell

Like its politicians and its war, society has the teenagers it deserves. - J.B. Priestly

I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education. - Wilson Mizner

Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year. - Victor Borge

We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another. - Jonathan Swift

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. - Lily Tomlin

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. - Fred Allen

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. - W.C. Fields

Pray, n. To ask the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy. - Ambrose Bierce

I think I think; therefore I think I am. - Ambrose Bierce

Peace, n. In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting. - Ambrose Bierce

A paranoid is a man who knows a little of what's going on. - William Burroughs

An optimist is a man who has never had much experience. - Don Marquis

Obscenity is what happens to shock some elderly and ignorant magistrate. - Bertrand Russell

Go into the street and give one man a lecture on morality and another a shilling, and see which will respect you most. - Samuel Johnson

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. - Groucho Marx

It is often pleasant to stone a martyr, no matter how much we admire him. - John Barth

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it. - Oscar Wilde

I love mankind; it's people I can't stand. - Charles Schultz

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more that it ceases to be serious when people laugh. - George Bernard Shaw

Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches. - Will Rogers

I must decline your invitation owing to a subsequent engagement. - Oscar Wilde

Immorality: the morality of those who are having a better time. - H.L. Mencken

To die for an idea; it is unquestionably noble. But how much nobler it would be if men died for ideas that were true! - H.L. Mencken

History repeats itself; that's one of the things that's wrong with history. - Clarence Darrow

No good deed goes unpunished. - Clare Boothe Luce

The golden rule is that there are no golden rules. - George Bernard Shaw

On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good and not quite all the time. - George Orwell

Imagine the Creator as a low comedian, and at once the world becomes explicable. - H.L. Mencken

The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be. - Paul Valery

Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one. - A.J. Liebling

Fork, n. An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth. - Ambrose Bierce

Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain. - Martin Mull

Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel. - Ambrose Bierce

We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience. - George Bernard Shaw

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. - Woody Allen

Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. - Ambrose Bierce

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. - Groucho Marx

The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

People in general are equally horrified at hearing the Christian religion doubted, and at seeing it practiced. - Samuel Butler

Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them? - Jules Feiffer

Go back to reform school, you little nose-picker. - W.C. Fields

Chastity always takes its toll. In some it produces pimples; in others, sex laws. - Karl Kraus

The trouble with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around. - Herb Caen

Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen. - Ambrose Bierce

I must apologize for the lack of bloodshed in tonight's program. We shall try to do better next time. - Alfred Hitchcock

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence. - Bertrand Russel

In America, life is one long expectoration. - Oscar Wilde

In America sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it is a fact. - Marlene Dietrich

There is only one honest impulse at the bottom of Puritanism, and that is the impulse to punish the man with a superior capacity for happiness. - H.L. Mencken

In this world of sin and sorrow, there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican. - H.L. Mencken

11 Comments:

Blogger Lizzy said...

I'm sorry to hear about your dad, Snave. I went through the same thing a few years ago. I'll keep a good thought for him.

Thanks for the great quotes.

8:57 AM  
Blogger Tom Harper said...

Sorry to hear about your father. I know this is a difficult time.

Excellent list of quotes.

12:45 PM  
Blogger 1138 said...

You've got my support.

4:48 PM  
Blogger J. Marquis said...

Hang in there, buddy. I know what a tough time this is.

5:12 PM  
Blogger Snave said...

Thanks, all. I will be checking back here from time to time, and I may even post something if I need a diversion from what's going on around here.

I thought about this quote a little more today while I was out driving for a few minutes:

"Go into the street and give one man a lecture on morality and another a shilling, and see which will respect you most." - Samuel Johnson

This one might apply politically. Which candidates will the public pay attention to more? The ones that are complaining about the other party's lack of morals/scruples and about how crooked the other party is, or the candidate who promises to put money in your pocket? My guess is the latter. Maybe this has been part of the problem of the last 5-6 years... Have there been Democratic candidates who have told the public they plan to put money into the public's pockets? I don't recall any. Seems like the GOP likes to use that tactic, whether they are being truthful or not, probably because they know it works to get votes. When they call tax breaks for the wealthy "sweeping tax cuts for everyone", it's what they CALL it that people pay attention to, not what it is they actually DO.

Maybe that's all wrong, but it's my $.02 worth.

7:34 PM  
Blogger J. Marquis said...

You make a good point, Snave. The Republicans have done a good job of selling this idea that somehow if the taxes of the rich go down, the little guy will magically benefit.

It's yet another reason I think the Dems should make energy independence the centerpiece of their party platform. They need to show people how getting away from oil will do a lot to not only help the environment but also their bank accounts.

8:48 PM  
Blogger Mandelbrot's Chaos said...

I'm very sorry to hear about your dad. I wish I knew something to say that would make it easier, but I don't. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Marquis, I'm very surprised that the "national security" crowd on the right isn't teaming up with the eco-left over the energy independence issue, but if the Dems phrase it the right way, I agree that it could be a home run with $3.00 a gallon the new reality.

3:55 AM  
Blogger David said...

Hey John - I'm thinking of you and your dad. Take care, buddy.

And yeah, thanks for the quotes!

9:33 PM  
Blogger sleepybomb said...

hey man,
hope all is going good for dad. we are pulling for him. hugs and good wishes...

m.a.

2:08 PM  
Blogger sleepybomb said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

2:08 PM  
Blogger ahmed said...

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work from home

1:37 AM  

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