Wednesday, January 05, 2005

BREAKING NEWS! BUSH PROVIDES GREAT FODDER FOR LATE NIGHT TELEVISION GAGSTERS!

Here are some good comments on the election and on the presidential candidates' debates:

"George Bush was elected president of the United States, and you know what they say, the first time is always the sweetest." --Bill Maher

"Did you see how happy President Bush was when he found out he won? Man he couldn't decide whether he should give a victory speech or announce the invasion of Iran." --Jay Leno

"President Bush was really sweating this, because he knew if Kerry won, he's probably make Bush go to Iraq and finish his National Guard service." --Jay Leno

"Earlier today, John Kerry went hunting for geese in Ohio, but President Bush says Kerry only did it for the photo op. The weird part is that Bush said this while wearing a flight suit and standing on the deck of an aircraft carrier." --Conan O'Brien

"But down in Florida in the early voting, there were computer glitches, confusing ballots, long lines and chaos. And when President Bush heard about this, he said, 'Mission accomplished!'" --David Letterman

"Over the weekend, President Bush told a crowd of supporters in Florida that he is the best protection from the draft. That's not true. Bush's dad was the protection from the draft." --Jay Leno

"We still don't know what the deal is what that thing in Bush's back, but I tell you, if God has a sense of humor, it is something that can only be cured with stem cell research." –-Bill Maher, on the bulge in Bush's back during the first presidential debate

"During the debate, Bush was asked by a lady to name three mistakes he's made. And Bush responded, this debate, the last debate and the next debate." --Bill Maher

"This was the town hall debate, and Bush says he likes the personal feel of a town hall. There's something about getting out there and lying directly to people's faces." --Bill Maher

"There was one awkward moment where a black man stood-up to ask a question and out of habit, Bush said 'Clemency denied.'" --Bill Maher

"62 million people tuned into the debate this week. That's almost one viewer for every time President Bush said ' mixed message.'" --Bill Maher

"I don't want to say who won this debate, but today the FCC is furious and is fining the networks for showing the emperor with no clothes." --Bill Maher

"Political experts say President Bush was off his game. He looked distracted, confused, a little at a loss for words. Off his game? That is Bush's game." --Jay Leno, on the debate

"Of course you know, President Bush has been taking a couple days off this week to prepare for the debates. In fact, he's having a microchip implanted in his ear. This will allow Dick Cheney to speak to him directly. 'It's pronounced 'Fallujah' 'Abu Ghraib.'" --Jay Leno

1 Comments:

Blogger Ms Liberty said...

Damn, these quotes are hilarious!!!

9:50 AM  

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