Wednesday, January 05, 2005

BUSH: GAY MARRIAGE WIPED OUT LIFE ON MARS

BUSH: GAY MARRIAGE WIPED OUT LIFE ON MARS
Red Planet Went Pink, President Reveals
from The Borowitz Report

In a nationally televised address last night on the subjects of gay matrimony and space exploration, President Bush revealed that gay marriage wiped out all life on Mars millions of years ago.

“The Mars rover tells us that Mars at one time was host to a great civilization, perhaps even more advanced than our own,” Mr. Bush said. “But that civilization and all living things in it were ultimately destroyed by gay marriage.”

While the Mars rover has found evidence of water necessary for sustaining life, it has found no evidence of life itself, “leading one to the unavoidable conclusion that gay marriage must have destroyed it,” Mr. Bush said.

“The Martians, for all their advancements, obviously neglected to pass a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage,” Mr. Bush said. “We follow their example at our peril.”

In the Democratic response to the President’s speech, Sen. Evan Bayh (D-Indiana) denied that there was any evidence that the so-called Red Planet had, in the words of Mr. Bush, “gone pink.”

Senator Bayh went on to say that while the Mars rover had in fact discovered traces of water, the rover offered “no evidence whatsoever” of gay Martians.

“We now know that Mars was a wet planet,” Sen. Bayh said. “We do not know how it got wet.”

Later, Mr. Bush backed off his claims somewhat, saying that if gay marriage did not destroy life on Mars, then Saddam Hussein did.

For more go to:

http://www.borowitzreport.com

3 Comments:

Blogger Ms Liberty said...

Fuck! LMAO! That's hilarious. Was this on The Onion?

2:39 PM  
Blogger Snave said...

It was on a site called The Borowitz Report. Great stuff! There's a link at the end of the article that might get you to the website. Enjoy, it's a hoot!

3:50 PM  
Blogger J. Marquis said...

Great article. I especially liked the reference to Saddam.

4:54 PM  

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