THOUGHTS FOR ENDING 2004
Did Andy Rooney really write these? They were attributed to him, anyway... enjoy!
Number 12 - Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 11 - Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 10 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich!
Number 9 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Number 8 - Some people are like Slinkies.....not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Number 7 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Number 6 - Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
Number 5 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 4 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
Number 3 - In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Number 2 - Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
NUMBER 1 - Terrorists come to America legally and hang around on expired visas for as long as 10-15 years. Now take Blockbuster - You're two days late with a video rental and those people are all over you..... I think we should put Blockbuster in charge of our immigration.
Number 12 - Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 11 - Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 10 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich!
Number 9 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Number 8 - Some people are like Slinkies.....not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Number 7 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Number 6 - Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
Number 5 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 4 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
Number 3 - In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Number 2 - Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
NUMBER 1 - Terrorists come to America legally and hang around on expired visas for as long as 10-15 years. Now take Blockbuster - You're two days late with a video rental and those people are all over you..... I think we should put Blockbuster in charge of our immigration.
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