Once again, I'm not sure how much I will be posting during the coming days. My father, who has been in ill health for quite some time now due to congestive heart failure, is very possibly in his last days. He is at home, receiving hospice care. My wife and I have pretty much set up camp at my parents' house for the foreseeable future. I will keep you all posted.
Anyway, here are a few goodies for you!
SOME OF SNAVE'S CURMUDGEONLY QUOTES COLLECTION (and all are from "The Portable Curmudgeon", compiled and edited by Jon Winokur!)
It is impossible to imagine the universe run by a wise, just and omnipotent God, but it is quite easy to imagine it run by a board of gods. If such a board actually exists it operates precisely like the board of a corporation that is losing money. - H.L. Mencken
I never vote for anyone. I always vote against. - W.C. Fields
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.
- George Bernard Shaw
By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day. - Robert Frost
Maybe this world is another planet's hell. - Aldous Huxley
The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple. - Oscar Wilde
Most people would die sooner than think; in fact, they do so. - Bertrand Russell
Like its politicians and its war, society has the teenagers it deserves. - J.B. Priestly
I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education. - Wilson Mizner
Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year. - Victor Borge
We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another. - Jonathan Swift
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. - Lily Tomlin
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. - Fred Allen
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. - W.C. Fields
Pray,
n. To ask the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy. - Ambrose Bierce
I think I think; therefore I think I am. - Ambrose Bierce
Peace,
n. In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting. - Ambrose Bierce
A paranoid is a man who knows a little of what's going on. - William Burroughs
An optimist is a man who has never had much experience. - Don Marquis
Obscenity is what happens to shock some elderly and ignorant magistrate. - Bertrand Russell
Go into the street and give one man a lecture on morality and another a shilling, and see which will respect you most. - Samuel Johnson
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. - Groucho Marx
It is often pleasant to stone a martyr, no matter how much we admire him. - John Barth
A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it. - Oscar Wilde
I love mankind; it's people I can't stand. - Charles Schultz
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more that it ceases to be serious when people laugh. - George Bernard Shaw
Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches. - Will Rogers
I must decline your invitation owing to a subsequent engagement. - Oscar Wilde
Immorality: the morality of those who are having a better time. - H.L. Mencken
To die for an idea; it is unquestionably noble. But how much nobler it would be if men died for ideas that were true! - H.L. Mencken
History repeats itself; that's one of the things that's wrong with history. - Clarence Darrow
No good deed goes unpunished. - Clare Boothe Luce
The golden rule is that there are no golden rules. - George Bernard Shaw
On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good and not quite all the time. - George Orwell
Imagine the Creator as a low comedian, and at once the world becomes explicable. - H.L. Mencken
The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be. - Paul Valery
Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one. - A.J. Liebling
Fork,
n. An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth. - Ambrose Bierce
Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain. - Martin Mull
Faith,
n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel. - Ambrose Bierce
We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience. - George Bernard Shaw
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain
It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. - Woody Allen
Corporation,
n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. - Ambrose Bierce
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. - Groucho Marx
The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
People in general are equally horrified at hearing the Christian religion doubted, and at seeing it practiced. - Samuel Butler
Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them? - Jules Feiffer
Go back to reform school, you little nose-picker. - W.C. Fields
Chastity always takes its toll. In some it produces pimples; in others, sex laws. - Karl Kraus
The trouble with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around. - Herb Caen
Bore,
n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen. - Ambrose Bierce
I must apologize for the lack of bloodshed in tonight's program. We shall try to do better next time. - Alfred Hitchcock
So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence. - Bertrand Russel
In America, life is one long expectoration. - Oscar Wilde
In America sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it is a fact. - Marlene Dietrich
There is only one honest impulse at the bottom of Puritanism, and that is the impulse to punish the man with a superior capacity for happiness. - H.L. Mencken
In this world of sin and sorrow, there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican. - H.L. Mencken
John William Evans, 1927-2006
