"Fahrenheit 9-11": Classify Under "Horror"

I finally got to see this film, and I don't know where to begin describing it.  The first adjective that comes to my mind is "horrifying".  How honest is Michael Moore with this film?  One thing is for certain: he is honest about his intent, which is to help defeat Bush in November.  The quotes from the Bush administration are genuine, as they are provided in the form of video clips that feature the suspects.  As usual, Moore injects a lot of his personal emotions...  he is a master at this.  There is speculation which appears a bit wild at times.  However, the basic information is there and the questions arise from it.  Moore asks tough questions about why Saudi nationals were allowed to leave the U.S. during the days immediately following 9-11, why people aren't more concerned about the close ties between the Bush family and the Saudis, why we let Bin Lauden get such a big head start on us before we went into Afghanistan, why we really went to Iraq, etc. ad nauseum.  For the most part, he steers clear of using fallacies as he presents his questions and arguments;  he mainly uses real information as a springboard. 

I would imagine most avid left-wingers will at least try to see the movie.  Most right-wingers will probably not bother, preferring to wish the film would go away.  After all, it represents an attempt to upset the status quo.  My hope is that many "undecided" voters will see it and find themselves as horrified as I was at how Orwellian the Bush neoconservatives are made out to be;  if the Bushies keep hammering away at us, we may well soon believe that "War is peace". 

Inquiring minds want to know, and Moore provides some fodder for thought.  If you're already of the opinion (as I am) that four more years of Bush will just about kill America as we know it, you'll love the movie and you will want to tell everyone you know about how wonderful and timely it is.  If you are a servile Bush-lover, you will hate it and be horrified by it for an entirely different set of reasons than mine...  you might get so angry you'll pop a vein!  If you are somewhere in between, by all means go see this film!  It may help you realize how repugnant politicians are in general...  and particularly the delusional little cabal currently running the United States of America.

There are some out there who hate free speech and would like to suppress it in order that only one set of views is available to America.  Ann Coulter and Sean Hannity immediately come to mind.  People of that ilk must be squirming in their seats every time they hear about "Fahrenheit 9-11" or Michael Moore.  As they plot various ways to suppress the voices of dissent we should be thankful they are being made uncomfortable.  In the months to come, we will see their attacks on the left-wingers escalate as it becomes increasingly apparent they are nothing more than apologists for what must be one of the most horribly corrupt administrations in our history.  Their escalating attacks will be evidence of their fear that John Kerry could actually win the next election.  Folks such as Hannity, Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, etc. ad nauseum seem to want a one-party system in America.  While I would gladly defend their right to go right on saying the kinds of things they say, I believe they are kooks, almost completely out of touch with what a majority of Americans feel about this country.

Michael Moore has declared this film a "comedy".  I certainly wouldn't call it that, as I found the laughs to be few and far between.  I would place the movie in the "horror" category.  The Iraq footage is terrifying, and not for the faint of heart.  The interviews with the troops left me feeling empty.  Some of them expressed a sort of joy in killing Iraqis, including citizens.  I think it's likely that only a handful of our troops actually feel the same as those depicted in the film, but when I see their attitudes and behaviors displayed on the movie screen and pair it with the images of Iraqi prisoner treatment, I believe these troops aren't to blame for their actions.  Problem behaviors such as these begin at the top, through macho/arrogant leadership and that leaderships' misguided attitude toward the rest of the world...  it seems like it's "God Bless America and God Damn All The Others."  There is nothing comedic about that.  That way of looking at the world is just plain wrong.  We simply can't command the respect of the rest of the world, we need to earn it.  At this point, thanks to Bush, we need to earn it back.  They all loved us after the September 11 attacks, now many of them hate us.  How did that happen so fast?

I don't hate America, and neither does Michael Moore.  Go see "Fahrenheit 9-11" and decide for yourself.  However the film affects you, you might agree that Moore does what anyone who loves his country would do in a country where free speech is allowed:  he is dissenting.  He loves his country but fears his government, and he believes that our government shouldn't be given free reign but should be held accountable for its actions, whatever the administration's party affiliation.  What's wrong with that?  People who have read his books would have to agree he is not very enamoured with the Democrats either, although you won't find much of that in "Fahrenheit 9-11"... and as he has stated, he believes those who run the current edition of the GOP are a threat to the well-being of the United States.  He has stated such an opinion repeatedly, and he is admittedly doing his part to bring about change.  Disingenous?  I don't think so.  Unpatriotic?  That depends on your definition.  If "patriotism" is blindly following the President and taking whatever he says to be truth, then is that not servility rather than patriotism?

If you disagree with what Moore says in "Fahrenheit 9-11", I hope you have at least bothered to go see the movie.  If you refuse to go see it, then maybe it is because you are afraid of being exposed to things that run counter to your belief systems.  Some people view "Fahrenheit 9-11" as the major left-wing movie event of the year, with "The Passion Of The Christ"* being the major right-wing film event.  I don't believe this is necessarily a good comparison, as it invites polarization and a Manichean view, hinting that you can't be a Christian if you're a left-winger, and that Republicans can't disagree with Bush.  A fair number of left wingers are not Christians (not evangelicals/fundamentalists, anyway), and many Republicans are worried about what Bush is really up to.
Moore himself has declared this film a "comedy", I think it might be more appropriately classified as "horror".  It should horrify true left-wing believers and hardcore conservatives alike...  hopefully enough that a wholesale change will come about at election time.

*I refuse to criticize "The Passion Of The Christ" because I have not seen the film.  Is that movie out on DVD yet?  Once it is, I will see it and submit a review! 

Snave didn't really go to Luther, but he hears it's a cool place. 

October Surprise Possibilities #2

4.  Karl Rove will reveal geneological charts which prove beyond doubt that John Kerry has French ancestry. 
 
5.  A disguised Karl Rove will get John Kerry drunk and give him pretzels that are too big to swallow. 
 
6.  The Bush administration will mistake John Kerry for Fidel Castro and sneak him a lethal exploding cigar. 
 
7.  If Kerry won't smoke cigars or get drunk and eat pretzels, the GOP will reveal the annual cost of his haircare, estimating it to be more than the gross national product of Ghana.  

The Awesome Power of the Magnificent Clyde, seen here in a moment of reflection 

Bonnie the Magnificently Cute 

Mt. Mackie 

Abby the Magnificent Tiger Girl 

"Girlie Men" of the world, unite!

If there is a local Democratic candidate in your area who happens to be a man, keep supporting him even if people call him a "Girlie Man".  I can't wait to see how much that phrase will become the popular set of political buzz words for this election year.  All the Hannitys, Coulters, O'Reillys, Cheneys and Bushes of the world are probably giddy with glee, singing "Neener, neener neener" and erecting shrines to Schwarzenegger as I write. 
 
The Dems need to have some kind of a comeback for such ignorance.  Arnold has such an aboriginal stance on so many issues...  actually that is a slur against Aboriginals.  I apologize...  heh...  Maybe some prominent figure will stoop to Arnold's level and call him "Teste Man".  Schwarzenegger is a prime example of what too much testosterone has done to America and to the rest of the world throughout history.  I'm glad there was an abuncance of the stuff in America in the late 1700's, but how much do we really need it in today's world? 

Maybe Arnold's Hummer should have a bumpersticker that reads "Instant asshole:  just add testosterone."  It may well already have one that says "My balls are bigger than yours!"  I don't believe that particular philosophy is the one America should adopt.  Balls are nice, and they are a part of life, especially in the United States...  but to use a play on one of my favorite Dubya quotes, "there ought to be limits to balldom." 

Christmas in July 

Mackie the Magnificent in the Classic Deer Leg Pose 

This year's "October Surprise": what will it be?

We know the GOP is up to something...  what will the "October Surprise" be this year?  We know they are getting desperate, because the election of Bush doesn't appear to be a slam dunk anymore...  so who knows what they're going to come up with?  I have several ideas:
 
1.  The administration has Osama Bin Laden on ice somewhere, and they will pull him out of the hat sometime within the 4-6 weeks prior to the election.  This will "prove all the critics wrong" and help save some face for Bush and his friends.
 
2.  They will try to make up for the embarrassment of finding no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, by...  finding some!  Some planted by Halliburton, most likely.
 
3.  Another major terrorist attack could occur on U.S. soil between now and November.   Although this would not be something orchestrated by the administration, it would probably provide Bush with a spike in the polls, and/or it could cause the November election to be postponed for who knows how long.  Maybe long enough for him to declare a state of national emergency?  Such an attack would not officially constitute an "October Surprise" as set up by the GOP, but it would be still be one set up by a group that wants Bush re-elected.  That group is Al-Qaeda, of course, as the Bush administration directly contributes to worldwide hatred of America among Islamic fundamentalist groups through its actions in the Middle East...  thus making itself a highly effective recruiter of terrorists for Al Qaeda's cause. 
 
I don't know about you, but I am convinced the people of the Bush administration will stop at nothing to maintain their power. 
 
If any of you have any ideas about what the "October Surprise" will be, send 'em on.  Comments about how paranoid I am?  Send them too, if you must...
 
 

Sooliman the Magnificent 

Snorkeling Adventure

I could have never told you about this, but it's just too great to keep it to myself.  During our recent Florida trip I was snorkeling in beautiful, 4-5-foot-deep clear water alongside Fort Jefferson at Dry Tortugas National Park.  I stood to empty the saltwater from my mask, and noticed something floating nearby.  It was roughly the size of a 2-inch cube, and it looked like a piece of dark wood bark.  Maybe a bark chip?  I thoughtfully lifted it from the water, between the thumb and first two fingers of my right hand... and realized the surface was smooth, and that the object had some weight to it.  At that point, the theme from "Caddyshack" began blaring in my head.  I let the waterlogged object go, and watched it float slowly away as I sniffed my hand just to make sure.  The "Caddyshack" theme played louder.  I fought two battles then:  controlling my laughter, and keeping the vomit down.  Panicking, I realized I would never live down my adventure of that day:  Turd Snorkeling in the Dry Tortugas.

Food For Thought

"Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders.  That is easy.  All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger."
        - Hermann Goering, at the Nuremburg Trials. 
 
"To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public."
        - Teddy Roosevelt

"When you look at the way war critics – from the Dixie Chicks to Tom Daschle – have been savaged by conservatives, it feels as if some people want to use this war to create a multiparty democracy in Iraq and a one-party state in America."   - Tom Friedman

"I see in the near future a crisis approaching that unnerves me and causes me to tremble for the safety of my country....corporations have been enthroned and an era of corruption in high places will follow, and the money of the country will endeavor to prolong its reign by working upon the prejudices of the people until all wealth is aggregated in a few hands and the Republic is destroyed. I feel at this moment more anxiety for the safety of my country than ever before, even in the midst of war."    - Abraham Lincoln

"Labor is prior to, and independent of, capital. Capital is only the fruit of labor, and could never have existed if labor had not first existed. Labor is the superior of capital, and deserves much the higher consideration."  - Abraham Lincoln

"Of all the enemies to public liberty war is, perhaps the most to be dreaded, because it comprises and develops the germ of every other...No nation could preserve its freedom in the midst of continual warfare." - James Madison
 
"To sin by silence when they should protest makes cowards out of men." - Abraham Lincoln

"If this were a dictatorship, it would be a heck of alot easier - just so long as I'm the dictator."  - George W. Bush
 
"There ought to be limits to freedom."  - George W. Bush
(The satirical website http://GWBush.com has received several million hits since apress conference Friday at which Texas governor and probable presidentialcandidate George W. Bush called its owner "a garbage man" and said "Thereought to be limits to freedom."  The outburst followed two separateattempts by Bush campaign attorneys to shut down the site. (For coverage ofthe comments, please visit the press archive at http://gwbush.com/)
 
"It's amazing I won. I was running against peace, prosperity, and incumbency." — George W. Bush, June 14, 2001. Speaking to Swedish Prime Minister Goran Perrson, unaware that a live television camera was still rolling.
 
"If you don't think it's a gamble to put a man in the White House who believes we should have guns in church, who thinks the Taliban is a rock band, who was such a failure as a businessman that his company was nicknamed "El-Busto," who wants to turn our Social Security system into a Wall Street boiler room, who can't name a single thing he disagrees with Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson on, who smeared a bona fide hero named John McCain, and whose principle policy proposal is to give America's surplus to the idle rich in the form of a $1.3 trillion tax cut, you're either nuts or a Republican."    - Paul Begala 
 
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.  - Ben Franklin, 1759.  
 
"Those who vote decide NOTHING. Those who count the votes decide EVERYTHING."    - Joseph Stalin
 
"The problems we face will not be solved by the same minds that created them."   - Albert Einstein
 
"The more you can increase fear of drugs and crime, welfare mothers, immigrants and aliens, the more you control all the people."   - Noam Chomsky
 
"When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist." - Dom Helder Camara
 
"Patriot: the person who can holler loudest without knowing what he is hollering about."   - Mark Twain
 
"Common sense needs constant reappraisal."  - Albert Einstein
 
"Even if you are on the right track,you will get run over, if you just sit there."   - Will Rogers
 
"Although it is not true that all conservatives are stupid people, it is true that most stupid people are conservative." - John Stuart Mill
 
"You f***ing son of a bitch. I saw what you wrote. We're not going to forget this." —George W. Bush to writer and editor Al Hunt, in front of his wife and kids, 1988

Bumpersticker/button wisdom

 
BUMPERSTICKER/BUTTON WISDOM:
 
If conservatives are so patriotic, why do they keep sending our jobs overseas?
Freedom of speech means the freedom to disagree.
Practice compassionate impeachment.
These colors don't run...  the world.
Regime change starts at home.
Congress gave huge tax breaks for the rich and all I got was this lousy bumpersticker.
Work harder: Corporate criminals want your money!
Everyone does better when everyone does better.
Our factories are all overseas. All we produce here are rich executives.
Liberate Texas, they have oil, too! 
Patriotism is making sure your country is worth defending. 
Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.
Osama Bin forgotten!
Our national health plan - don't get sick.
At first they burn books, eventually they burn people.
If you settle for what they're giving you, you deserve what you get.
Why do we kill people who kill people to show killing people is wrong?

Have you seen "Fahrenheit 9-11"?

I haven't seen the movie yet.  I will probably get the opportunity later this month when I am in the city.  The town in which I live is a "heartland" kind of place, an area with a red-state Republicana aura.  This makes the town a great place to grow up, live, and raise kids even if I find that my political views aren't widely accepted.  Anyway, I e-mailed the local theater to request the showing of "Fahrenheit", and they responded by saying it is difficult for them to acquire independent films due to the nature of their contracts with film distributors.  While that may be well and good, I think if they really wanted to make money they would attempt to get the film to our town.  Why not try it for a week?  The theater would probably be packed.  I know that even with this being a conservative area, there are plenty of folks here who don't trust Bush.  There are even a lot of Republicans for whom he doesn't speak.  (Does he really speak?)
 
Those of you who have seen the movie:  what did you think?  I would be curious to know!  Please send some comments, positive preferred but negative also welcome! 

Some dirty tricks may be what it takes

I see nothing good about this business of the Iraqi prisoners being humiliated.  The revelation has made the administration scramble and squirm, but that's about the only positive thing (depending on your point of view, of course), and that one "positive" is far outweighed by the demeaning treatment of the prisoners.  The whole mess makes me wonder how we have been treating/abusing Iraqis in other prisons, and how we've been treating/abusing prisoners at Guatanamo.  This stuff was being talked about back in January...  I can't believe Rumsfeld and Bush saying the first they heard of it was when it was shown on "60 Minutes".  They MUST have known what was going on!  It sure looks to me as if Bush is no-one to be talking about the "end of the rape rooms" and the "end of torture chambers" in Iraq.
 
For a while it looked like our troops were going to try and arrest or even kill the cleric Bani-Sadr.  Why would Bush approve of that if at the moment he is trying to repair the damage from the release of all the images of prisoner abuse?  Killing Bani-Sadr would really win over the hearts and minds of the Iraqis, eh?  The people of Iraq will REALLY hate us now (as if many of them don't infinitely hate us already!)  Maybe there's one plus from this whole prisoner mess:  I never thought I would hear Bush utter the words "sorry" or "apologize" about anything...  As for Rumsfeld, I think the smart thing for the GOP to do would be to fire his sorry delusional butt.  However, Bush didn't appear that smart when he responded to all the criticism by giving Rummy a vote of confidence.  Maybe Rumsfeld and the whole neoconservative mentality he represents will become an albatross for the Republicans.  I can only hope.
 
Speaking of such, I sincerely hope Bush keeps Cheney on the ticket.  Cheney can only be a drag on the GOP.  If Bush was smart, he would dump Rumsfeld and Cheney too...  Maybe Bush IS smart, but the fact that he won't dump these jerks speaks volumes about who really runs the country.  He won't dump them because...  he can't! 
 
Politically, I think Kerry was astute in making his statement that when he is president he "won't be the last to know what's going on".  The uglier the Iraq stuff gets, the more I desperately hope Kerry wins in November.  While he may not be inspiring, and while he is also a skull and crossbones Ivy League guy like Dubya, and while he is financed by big money like Bush is...  I think he offers the voters a clear ideological alternative to Dubya.  And as long as Dubya keeps screwing up, it will become increasingly hard for the Karl Roves of the world to spin the screw-ups in a way that would fool the voters. 
 
While Ralph Nader offers a clear alternative to big-time politics, I wish he would get out of the race.  As much as Nader detests the GOP, he seems to have no problem accepting their help as they try to get him onto as many ballots as they can, in order to take away votes for Kerry.  I think Nader would much rather have Kerry in the White House than four more years of the Bushies.  I know I would...  Then again, with Diebold (big Bush contributor in 2000) building many of the new computerized voting machines, and GOP Senator Chuck Hagel on the board of directors of another voting machine manufacturer...  how will we really be sure who the winners are any more in our presidential elections anyway?  Arrrgh. 
  
How about a paranoid theory about the skyrocketing gas prices:  they will stop and then decline... once Bush gets his energy bill passed.  I guess I must be really cynical for believing the administration is causing gas prices to go up until enough people complain to their senators and congressmen that the necessary "yes" votes are gathered to allow Dubya to drill in the ANWR...  but that's what I'm thinking he may have up his sleeve.  I'd love to know who met with Cheney to draft the administration's energy policy.  Probably a bunch of oil CEOs.  I would love for the Supreme Court to tell Cheney he has to make that information public.  Having his hunting buddy Antonin "Bush Wins the Election 5-4" Scalia on the Supreme Court isn't going to help the cause, but I still hope we can find out before November. 
  
I don't want our troops getting killed.  I don't want gas prices to be over $3 a gallon by summer, or sooner.  I don't want to see the stock market fall apart or the economy go into the tank.  I hate seeing people lose their jobs and having their jobs replaced by cheaper overseas labor.  I don't want the rich to get richer while the poor get poorer, and I don't want the environment to be raped by money-thirsty conservative interests.  The continuation of all these trends would indeed make Bush look bad, and I do want Bush to look bad enough that putting a positive spin on him will be next to impossible, even for someone as adept as Karl Rove!  But what else could happen to bring that about, without him messing things up worse than he already has?  None of us really, truly want our situation to get worse, either at home or abroad.  Maybe there will be a good scandal.  That would be the ticket!   Maybe someone has compromising photos of Bush with Ken Lay.  Maybe it's time for the Democrats to stoop to the level of the Republicans, and get involved in some GOP-style dirty trickery.  The Republicans have been deserving it, especially for about the last ten years.  Bring on the grimy black-and-whites!

Thoughts On "Return Of The King"

Have you seen "Return Of The King"?  I was fairly amazed by it! 
 
I love the job Sean Astin did in this one as Sam, and so what if it's a fantasy film, I think he deserved to be nominated for Best Supporting Actor (and I think it was just about the most satisfying movie I saw in 2003).  It seemed that all Elijah Wood had to do was look dazed (which I think he did quite well), and that this time it was Astin's show. 
 
I never knew until recently that Ian McKellan is openly gay, so that made his role as Gandalf all the more enjoyable for me.  I found myself imagining him wanting to do sordid things with Pippin and Merry.  That could have been brutal, given that due to his being a powerful wizard, Gandalf is probably huge...  Viggo Mortensen was sufficiently Hollywood-handsome and macho, and although I thought it would be fun to see him having sex with Liv Tyler in some Elven-palace bedroom, or on horseback during battle with the Lady Eowyn) it never did happen, of course. 
 
I love the character of Gollum.  About the only Gollum thing that would have been perfect for me would have been a scene with him dragging his butt in the dirt due to pinworms or some such thing.  Seeing him squatting in the rocks and taking a big, curly, gassy shit would have been nice too.  Just imagine the facial expressions they could do on Gollum in such a situation, especially if there was constipation involved.  Imagine him popping out a few logs as he hopped around chattering...  They also could have had him take a leak on Sam as Sam slept!  Just imagine Sam's reaction to an insult of that magnitude!!  And surely Frodo would have vomited during at least a few of the hairy situations he endured throughout the trilogy.  But if all he and Sam were eating was the little bit of Elven-bread, only occasionally...  would they have had anything to throw up but bile? 
 
There was plenty of violence anyway, so that soothed my sick, itching dementia-ridden mind.  Not ultraviolence worthy of watching while eating a dripping sub sandwich, but fine stuff nonetheless.  Seriously though, it was a pretty amazing movie!  If you haven't been to it yet, just don't think of my ideas when you do see it.  I wouldn't want to ruin the experience for you the same way Quentin Tarentino ruined the Stealer's Wheel tune "Stuck In The Middle With You" for me by using it during the nostril-splitting scene in "Reservoir Dogs".  Heh...

Seattle Mariners Thoughts #1

The Seattle Mariners are in the midst of one of their worst seasons after several years of excellence.  Sports dominance tends to run in cycles unless you're the Yankees and you can buy whoever you want to help you get your annual division title.  Seattle had some good years, but I think they just went for too long with the old guys. 
 
I am glad the Mariners are auditioning some of their kids from their minor-league system.  They need to give their prospects a chance, so they will know who to keep and who to trade (or forget about) during the offseason.  I am hoping they will trade Ron Villone, Shigetoshi Hasegawa (Shittegassi Hogatowa), Mike Myers, Randy Winn, Scott "Sandfrog, Son Of Ed" Speizio, and maybe even "Everyday Eddie" Guardado, Bret Boone, Gil Meche and Jamie Moyer.  Meche is supposedly being offered to the Padres for a good outfield prospect, Xavier Nady. 
 
The Mariners already acquired one good outfielder, Jeremy Reed, in the deal that sent Freddy Garcia to the Chicago White Sux.  There would be some growing pains at the plate, but I wouldn't mind a 2005 outfield of Ichiro, Nady and Reed next year with Jamal Strong (now on Seattle's AAA-level Tacoma club) in the picture somewhere.  Rookie Justin Leone looks like he should be at third base every day, and I hope they go ahead and just bring Jose Lopez up from Tacoma to play shortstop.  Left fielder Raul Ibanez can move to 1B, and Bucky Jacobsen can DH.  Speizio and Jolbert Cabrera could stick around as Mark McLemore-style "super-subs".  Both guys can play a bunch of positions.  If Boone is gone, I suppose Wee Willie Bloomquist could be a light-hitting bottom-of-the-order second baseman...  or maybe Cabrera could have that job.  Miguel Olivo, also acquired in the Garcia trade, will undoubtedly be the primary guy behind the plate;  I wouldn't count on veteran Dan Wilson being around (if so, he would probably function more as a player-coach). 
 
The rotation could be Pineiro, two or three from AAA guys Travis Blackley/Clint Nageotte/Matt Thornton/Bobby Madritsch and one or two from Meche/Moyer/Ryan Franklin (whoever is still around).  In the pen, Rafael Soriano would be the closer.  J.J. Putz and George Sherrill would be the set-up men, and the long guys could be Julio Mateo and whoever else.  
 
This is what it could be like if they didn't make any more trades or any free-agent signings during the winter, before next season.  I like the idea of a wholesale change with the roster...  it would be nice to keep a couple of the vets around if they can, and maybe sign a couple of decent free agents.  If the young pitchers work out o.k. the rebuild might not take more than two or three seasons.  Having a young team like last year's Florida Marlins would be really cool!
 
I invite comments.  My asbestos suit is on.

SPOONERISMS

Spoonerisms are lots of fun.  I happen to be addicted to them.  I think this must go along with an obsessive-compulsive personality.  An example of a fun spoonerism would be:
 
Rugs and Draperies = Drugs and Raperies
 
 
Anyway, I have some favorites, for you to figure out:
 
Tracy Byrd =  ?
 
Bucky Fever =  ?    (My oh my, Mariners fans!)
 
I find the English language quite silly to begin with, and I have found that it lends itself to all kinds of absurdities.  Please send some of your own favorite spoonerisms!

Vomit story #1

Ages ago when I was in Middle School, our baseball team was playing a road doubleheader.  We finished up around dinnertime, and got something to eat from a local greaseburger joint called "The Hand Out".  The folks preparing the food were dripping with sweat.  They wore soiled white undershirts which exposed armpits that  exploded with hair.  Hamburger buns were heated on a filthy-looking grill, then slathered with some oily liquid via basting brushes.  This was not an appetizing scene, and many of us found ourselves disgusted as we watched.  Our stomachs were full of afternoon junk food, such as red vines, candy bars and chocolates, but we ate our dinner anyway.
 
The trip home took us over a mountain pass.  It was March, and there was still a fair amount of snow on the summit.  Our aged school bus had a problem with the heater, so the heat was of the all-or-nothing variety.  To keep ourselves from suffocating, the side windows were all lowered six inches.  Being prone to motion sickness, I sat in one of the front seats near the window.
 
My friend Bill was getting concerned about my pale, sweaty appearance.
 
"Snave, are you o.k.?" he asked.
 
Before I could answer my head was out the window.  The wind was icy through my hair, and as I puked my guts out the pain forced a tear or two.  However, the misery turned to laughter as I pulled my head back in and heard anguished cries from all those on my side of the bus!
 
"God!!  Who Puked?!"
 
"Awww, man!!"
 
I turned to face Dave, seated directly behind me.  His wiry hair and his eyebrows were coated with a fine misting of light-colored, foul-smelling vomit.  He shouted in disgust as he wiped the stuff from his face.  Not only had I soiled Dave...  I had soiled about 20 other people as well!  Not a bad accomplishment, if I say so myself!
 
Several weeks later I went to my friend Marty's house after school, and we rode in the Bus of Infamy.  Believe it or not, the windows still had not been cleaned!  For the benefit of all the other bus riders that day, I pointed out different food fragments that were still glued to the window...  bits of hamburger, lettuce, licorice rope, you name it. 
 
Afterward, for some time to come, I was known to many around the school as "Mr. Gross-Out".